ADULTHOOD : I AM HERE

Assalammualaikum, haha setelahberkurun tak jejak kaki kat blog ni eh. zaman teknologi ni, n yet i stilll wrote downeverything on my diary. its time to move it to here and create new chapter in my life. yes, now im an adult, officially, kalau ikut cart umor lah kan,  it think 25 yrs old is and early adult, u may say. and i sucks. so here my story, i might write down what ive wrote in my diary @ here, i think its better ere that the font wont go missing... n hopefully i wont, too. bismillah. here we go 

Semakin tenat

dan bila aku rasa the worst dah lepas. another storm coming. and its getting worst.

this time, the storm doesnt stop halfway,
it destroy everything that  i have and make me even difficult to even breathe.

sometimes, i just wish all of this, all of my life was just a dream


a worst nightmare ever.
i just wish all ithis is just a dream that i can wake up from and have a new life

when theres nothing to worry about.

when theres nothing to hide.

when im not afraid to talk to anyone.

when i dont felt afraid to just let out everything i felt

loosen up all that packed in my chest.
and just shout out loud

why the hell i deserved all this??

why this is happen to me??

those questions lingers around me and never left me. more than 3 years now.

and the questions getting more and more.

and theres no answer to evey each of them.

im sick of this.

my chest felt tight but theres no cure for it,


why i have to use my athma as a reason why i cry and my chest 's in pain?

i cry to sleep and yet theres no reason for it.

one by one from my life is erased from my memories.

i tend to push people away cause people never stay anyway.

IT KEEPS COMING BACK

Sometimes when i thought this depression is long gone, it will hit me back.
Whenever i am alone. Whenever im overthinking.
This suicidal thought runs thru my mind again, and again.

I just  cant deal with this kinda shit anymore. It hurts me.
I just let it run over me .

HELP ME

Kak lang rindu

Mak...  Mak sihat ke tu. 
Kak lang rindu. Teramat sangat
Boleh x kak lang nak ikot mak?
Mak pergi tetiba.  tak tinggal pesan.
Xpernah ckp dgn kaklang
Hidup tu sakit.
Hidup tu tak adil.

Family x macam time mak ada dulu. 
Semua pecah belah. 
Tarik muka tu dh biasa. 
Adik berdua tu makin truk. 
Adik yg baik pun makin teruk.
Sebab mak takde nk tegur dia.

Abah?
Mampu gelak sajalah dgn perangai abah tu.

Sungguh.  Kak lang tak sanggup
Penat menangis.
Siang dan malam
Rindukan mak
Rindukan family kita yg dulu. 

Baleklah mak. 
Baleklah.  Pleasee
Kak lang rindu. 

Penat

Aku lelah. 
Tolong aku
Aku lemas
Aku tak sanggup nak hadap dunia.
Tolong aku
Tolong...  

Aku nak mati
Aku nak ikot mak
Aku xnk hidup
Hidup ni cuma sakit.
Orang kata ad pelangi lps hujan..
Tp yg dtg cuma cuma guruh n kilat lps hujan
.
Hujan yg xd henti

Cermin

Orang kata
Manusia yg paling rapat dgn kita adalah cerminan diri kita.
Apa maksudnya sih?
Apa mungkin temenku jelek, maka aku juga ikut jelek?
Atau temenku cantik, maka diriku terautomotis cantik?

Telahku selalu salah
Ternyata jika orang kelilingku orang yg baik,
Maka aku juga lansung ikut jadi orang yg baik, luar dalamnya.

Tapi awas, jika yang dikeliling itu buruk membusuk,
Maka kita tidak ubah seperti rumah sampah. Sentiasa membusuk

2 Dunia

Bezanya aku dan dia
Seperti langit dan bumi

Dia baik
Dia beragama
Dia tetap dihati kau
Walau dia pergi betapa lama

Tidak hairan lah aku
Jika kau melihatku dulu
Terima aku dalam hidup kau
Mungkin kau nampak dia dalam aku
Tapi aku bukan dia

Aku melihat mata kau
Mata itu tak menampakkan aku
Mata itu masih dgn pandangan dia

Jika aku mengingatkan kau kepadanya,  tinggalkan aku.